Midnight Vent
by TeahLeafs
Summary: PostOOTP in the summer after Harry looses Sirius he finally vents his emotions and makes some peace. This is a oneshot, and Nonslash.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter. The only thing I own is this piece of writing that I am sharing with everyone in the world.

A/N: I wrote this last summerafter I read a lot of really well written one-shots. It just came to me as I wrote. I finally finished it today and I felt I needed to post it at least before HBP comes out in two days.I must warn you,I have not had my beta read it so there will be grammatical errors, butnot as many. Please Review and tell me what you think! Enjoy!

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_Midnight Vent_

A veil of darkness fell as the sun set slowly disappearing in the horizon, all it's warmth gone with it. Uncannily enough the inside of number 12 Grimmauld had taken it's own veil of darkness every light in the household was out.

Harry starred intently up at the dark ceiling; his eyes had grown weary and red from the hours of starring. He could now make out small images with the dark. Blinking water away from his eyes, he shifted on his bed yawing. It had been weeks since he had full night of sleep. The mere thought of taking yet another detour of the graveyard and the mysteries department was partly one reason why he didn't even _try_. Other nights the somnolent ness would be too much and he would drift into a sleep, waking up in drenched sweat or sometimes waken up by Ron.

"Harry Mate, you still up?" the faint drowsy voice of Ron filled the quiet room. Harry hesitated.

"Yeah" he replied rubbing his eyes. The shifting of a bed covers followed Harry's reply.

"Dream?" Ron questioned unsurely after hesitating a few moments. Harry turned to his side facing him. Even in the dark he could see the fair outline of his best friend, the gleam of his red hair reflecting slightly.

"No, I haven't" he replied.

"Look, mate we were with you this time, Hermione and I " he paused.

"Were always here if you, need us, for anything" he gazed at him. Harry looked at him through the dark. He knew Ron and Hermione were there for him, to talk. But after everything that had happened that night, he felt emptier than ever. An empty glass, filled with nothing but oxygen.

He remained tacit for what it seemed for a long while.

"I know" he responded callously. His gaze was back on Ron.

"Harry…"Ron trailed off rather uncomfortably. He shifted on his bed to what it seemed into a sitting position. He flicked on the magical light lamp that dimmed slightly. Harry closed his eyes tightly avoiding the multi-color twinkle lights that attacked him even in the dimness of the fading flame. He opened them slowly after recovering, glancing at the small flame; it sparkled in the glass canister, lighting Ron's and his own face up along with the gust shadows.

Ron shifted his legs into a cross-legged position, gulping and looking nervous.

"Look, mate it wasn't your fault" he finally got out his voice growing stronger mid-sentence yet failing to remain that strong tell the end.

He gazed at the floor; he wasn't sure where to start. Lately he was more of the typical stereotype of an angst teen; all year long he had played that role. Selfish, vindicated more like but after all those events he wasn't quiet sure if letting people in would help in the long ran. No, it wasn't that. Just letting him know how he honestly felt when it still hurt just to think about it, even to dream about it, was impossible for him to do. That's why he took the route of remaining tacit and impassive on his emotions, but still vindicated with anger.

"I mean" Ron broke the awkward silence with his still nervous voice. Harry looked up feeling slightly uneasy and unsure of what could possibly shoot out of his mouth.

"You didn't know that was going to happen and he came even though Snape told him to stay"

Some unshed anger from that day in Dumbledore's office flickered in his emerald eyes, finding his voice at last he spoke.

"Look" he snapped

"It was my fault, if I would have listened to Hermione, If I would have thought of Snape checking just acting like he was supposed to" and it hurt him and angered him to actually say this to actually defend Snape when he so wanted to hitch all the blame, all the hurt on him. It made it easier to cope, but he knew it was a lie and he could not pretend Snape was at fault when he himself truly was.

"It's my fault alone!" his voice rose with anger "Sirius would still be here if I didn't play into Voldemort's trap" he clenched his fist tightly.

"No, Harry mate " Ron courageously protested inching closer to the edge of his bed, his gaze falling uncertainly on Harry.

"You had no way of knowing and you acted like anyone would have acted" Ron would have preferred blaming Snape for all this but he knew it wasn't his entire fault, yet it still did not stop him from thinking it.

"No, I should have known" Harry outburst.

"He was playing me all along and didn't even know it, I fell into his trap and there's nothing you can say to change that," he stubbornly ranted. All he wanted to do at that moment was to prove to him that this was his fault.

"He never would have died if it wasn't for me"

"But Harry" Ron interrupted him not quiet intimidated by his feverish eyes.

"He never would have lived if it wasn't for you, he came because he lived for you and you know he would have never be able to live with himself if he didn't" Ron paused scrutinizing him cautiously. All those talks to with Hermione were finally paying off.

"He wouldn't have to come if I would I have known about the mirror" he fumed his clenched knuckles becoming ghostly white. Ron starred confused. Harry hadn't told him or Hermione about the two-way mirror; the mirror that could have prevented Sirius death.

Crack 

Came the noise of an apparition for a second the two of them stopped there minds almost completely clear starring.

"Honestly, do you two ever sleep?" Fred asked with a bemused smile as him and George landed next to the two knocking them over on their pillows.

"George geoff" Ron muttered angrily loosing his train thought and whacking him with a pillow. Harry rather the opposite of Ron at an intense crucial conversation shrugged a shoulder to Fred, strangely he was thankful for the interruption.

"OH come on Ronnikins" George joked smiling rather mischievously.

"We heard the two of you talking" Fred added smiling.

"And what is the topic for tonight?"

"Perhaps, Hermione?" George asked eyeing Ron who blushed a crimson color with a mix of green.

"Any mischief planning?" Fred suggested.

"Stop it!" Ron nudged George in the ribs.

"We were just talking," he said with a small sigh his gaze falling on Harry unsure if he should elaborate on what their topic of conversation was. Harry shrugged he didn't want to continue this. Getting the hint both of the twins grins faded.

"Look Mate" Fred looked seriously to Harry.

"Your on everyone mind after what happened"

"Everyone knows you've been blaming yourself"

"Really?" he glared eyeing them rather surprised at the anger resurfacing in his stomach; Angry that he would be the choice of topic for everyone.

"Yeah saying it's your fault and what," George said as he innocently flicked lint off Ron shoulder, in response Ron glared.

"It _is_ my fault," he said through clenched teeth. Why couldn't anyone understand that?

"Then it's our fault too for leaving school" George interjected seriously. He shifted in a cross-legged position his attention fully on Harry. Half of his face remained shadowed from the dim light creating a rather eerie affect.

"Wh—"Harry began to say bewilderedly. He looked from the twins the flame from the magic lamp flickering from dim to complete light making the shadows from there faces fade into the back of the room.

"If we never left school then you would have had more time in the fire to find out more" Fred answered finishing Georges' interjection and answering Harry's confusion.

"We wouldn't have had that heated rant from mum for leaving either" George added with a little sigh. Mrs. Weasley ranting yells were worse than the Portrait once she got started; they were especially awful after they left school. This did in fact hit the roof with screaming and yelling of education. Harry couldn't help but look confused still pondering what they were playing at?

"I could have been more helpful and went to get Snape" Ron spoke up at last making a face at the mere mention of Snape once more, he had caught on to what Fred and George were doing.

"I could have gotten him to the forest"

With a creak and a snap they all turned their head to the door where an eerie wind had slipped in caressing them all strangely. Ginny and Hermione stood for a second there in their dress gowns obviously attentive to the conversation that had been taking place. With a purr from Crookshanks on the grounds they made there way over and seated themselves promptly on the beds with the boys.

"I could have been more courageous and attempted to make my points more clear and direct" Hermione spoke up the twins giving her rather devilish grins of encouragement.

"I could have stayed behind and gone for help to Mum" Ginny added her share of the blame. It was obvious from the way her voice carried with a force and flame that she must have heard the conversation taking place and dragged Hermione to join and enter with her in attempts to help, make there points heard.

Irritated by the lot of them Harry looked at each and ever one of them with a stern face.

"Look, it's not any of your---"

"No! You look Harry Potter" Ginny cut him off with her own glare that surprised almost all of them but made the twins look at her with pride.

"The blame lies with us too"

"That's right!" George alleged putting an arm affectionately on his sisters shoulder.

"As long as you're going to blame yourself for the things you should have done we all will too with the things we could have done"

"We could have done something to prevent this from happening" Fred disclosed Georges sentence his gaze on Harry whom remained slightly fuming yet thoughtful.

"We have been more direct mate" Ron added as he glanced at Hermione who gave him a nod of approval.

"We share that blame with you Harry" Hermione professed

"But we can't all dwell on the what ifs and whose at fault, what could have happened if we had taken a different approach on the situation, it already happened"

Harry sighed he understood, he knew what they were saying and say there points but he couldn't help but cling to blaming himself and feel angry about it. It was in fact a better feeling to dwell on then on the emptiness he felt and the pain, the hollowness inside. For a long time they all sat there looking down at the floor around the dark room, contemplating Hermione's words on everyone's words, on everything. No one making a sound but everyone almost everyone understanding what each of them was thinking.

"We can't change what happened" Ginny broke the silence at last. Everyone looked up at her.

"But we know now what we can do next time" She directed her Gaze to Harry.

"Sirius wouldn't want you to blame yourself" the muffled whisper of Ron echoed through the room the gazes of each person on him now. He looked at him sadly; his anger had faded until the next time it would resurface.

"It just hurts," he muttered at last. Fred and George frowned at each other sadly. Ginny stroked Crookshanks just a bit harder at this, a frown entering her features. Hermione looked at him unsure of what to do, walk over and hug him or stay where she was.

"We know mate, we know" Ron concluded with a frown looking from Hermione who made up her mind to remain seated right there.

"But you have us still" She said giving him were-always-here-for-you look and tone with a small weak smile.

"And were going to help you through this" Fred said placing his hand on his shoulder squeezing it tightly as an encouragement, something he thought he never would do at this age.

"Even if that means were going to have to test all our jokes on Snape when he comes over for you" George grinned with a wink.

"And it will be alright" Ginny chimed with a half smile. For the first time that night Harry felt rather ashamed of himself for his actions, for treating them in a callous manner all along and taking some anger on them,

"I am" he began to say feeling shameful and gratitude towards his group of friends.

"No need for apologies mate, we know" Ron interrupted him as Hermione agreed with a smile.

He looked upon each and every one of their grinning faces. For the first time that night feeling just a bit full then he had done. Just some feeling in his empty core. He knew he would be all right. He had friends, no, his family here. He didn't know what would happen in the end but he felt he was all right.

"Slumber party is this now?" they all jumped slightly to find Remus Lupin at the door watching them from the shadowed door. There anxious faces faded as he moved into the light a smile on his tired features.

"Come now there some butter bears in the kitchen with chocolate frogs" He winked. They all looked at each other grinning.

"Molly wont be back for awhile I suggest you go before they get cold," he added as they all stood up from the beds.

"Race you"

_crack _

The Twins said apparating.

"Those cheaters" Ron fumed slightly as he stopped at the door next to Remus. Ginny had passed right in front of him making her way to the kitchen.

"Come Hermione Harry," he said nodding his head.

"Harry you coming?" Hermione asked turning to him as she stopped halfway mid room.

"Yeah ill catch up" he said absent-minded.

"Okay mate but hurry you know with those two" Ron said looping arms with Hermione and hurrying down the hall past Remus, but giving him a friendly smile. Harry sighed deeply, starring with a transfixed expression at the cold floor, he focused on the carving of the wood on every single detail. He heard the resigned sigh of Remus, as he walked across the room and felt him sit right next to him.

"I miss him too," he said quietly echoing Harry's own emotions. Harry looked from the floor frowning, her felt his stomach constrict at the mention of _Him_. He studied Remus, his friend carefully there were still black bags under his eyes and the expression of sorrow in deeply in his light brown eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't.

"He wouldn't want you blaming yourself, Harry," He said gently. He swallowed the knot that began forming once more in his throat.

"I –I wish he was still here" He said with some difficulty his eyes begging to water. But he would not cry, he refused to let the tears of pain dismay stain his cheeks. He simply refused to let all these emotions that were buried under the walls of hollowness. He had buried these emotions deeply into his soul it gave him some sick comfort, something to hold on to tightly. If he let them go he would fade, it all would fade; he would slip away into the black waters of the blazing oceans storm.

"So do I Harry, but we can't dwell on it, you can't keep repressing these feelings" He sighed standing up.

"I know," he echoed, sighing still starring at the floor.

And then he felt it, a pair of arms around his back pulling him close. Remus was hugging him for the first time since they meet again. He felt all the warmth, the parental love against him. And there it came, the tears dropping down his cheeks staining them.

"Sirius would not have regretted this, he died trying to protect you, he died because he decided to take that risk and he wouldn't want you thinking otherwise" Remus said to him as he held on to him. The tears continued falling, soon enough of he was sobbing every hurt every pain he had felt since that day. He wasn't only crying because of his begotten Godfather but also for Cedric and his parents and there pain, his parents, Remus being the "Lone Marauder", every person that had lost someone in the hands of the Dark Lord. He let every tear through his moan, through his sob, every pain tell the only sound that echoed through the room was his muffled breathing from his stuffy noise. He pulled back from Remus, his shoulders robes soaked with his tears. He opened his mouth to speak, but Remus shushed him.

"It's fine" he smiled at him a smile that seemed to show his own pain was lifted.

"Thanks" Harry muffled, his red emerald eyes sparkling with the dried out tears.

"That's what I am here for" Remus smiled once more and stood up, leaving out the door. Harry sat on the bed sighing. He felt physically and emotionally exhausted. But besides that he felt lighter in the since, the hollow feeling in his stomach was gone. He still did feel depressed about Sirius, but his feelings were finally out, everyone buried emotion of was out and gone and he finally felt lighter. He knew he had his friends, and he still had Remus, one link one adult that he could relate to and could comprehend what he was feeling.

He lay down on his bed, turning off the light and setting his glasses on the table beside his bed. His eyes slowly dropped as he mused on the empty free feeling he was experience, which he had not felt for ages now. And there he had fallen into a deep and long needed sleep, dreams of Sirius and his parents smiling, dreams that in the morning he would vaguely remember having.


End file.
